A Court Battle
Imagine a single orange is your only asset after separating from your spouse. You ask the court to share it between you as you can’t agree. You relinquish any control over the decision, wait about a year, & spend £15,000 or more in legal fees. It’s a high conflict route & it’s painful for you, your spouse & your children.
What if you don’t like the final order the Judge makes? Unfortunately you’re bound by it. But what if the court decides to give you the whole orange, or most of the orange – that’s worth the risk isn’t it? The court looks for fairness not a ‘winner’. Its preference is to use a sharp knife to cut the orange in two. If someone needs more & they can prove it, they may get more, but the other spouse’s needs must also be considered.
A More Creative Solution
Sounds reasonable but does cutting the orange in half really get what either person needs? Imagine this: the husband needs the whole orange, so he has enough orange peel for his fruit cake recipe. The wife however needs the whole orange so that she can squeeze it and make a whole glass of orange juice. So this decision, while it appears to be “fair” does not work in reality for either of them.
If they’d stopped the battle and really explored what their interests were in the orange, then the solution would have been obvious. The husband would get the peel, the wife would get the pulp and everyone’s needs would be met.
Of course, in real life you are talking about a lot more than oranges. Whilst the orange example oversimplifies things, the logic behind holds good in mediation. When couples separate, they are having to deal with so much, both practically and emotionally.’ It’s a horrible time for many. Leaving it to the lawyers who will fight for you in court, this may feel like the safe option. However, you may not get what you really want.
Sitting down together with a mediator, who is there to work equally hard for both of you, helping you to work out what your priorities are and how to get what you need going forward: this is the work we do in mediation. It will save you time, money & heartache and get you more of what you really need. You maintain control of your future. A good lawyer can support you throughout the process.
Taking the next step
Mediation isn’t easy. You may not want to sit down and talk with the very person who is the source of all your difficulties, They may be angry or hurt or impossible to work with as they just want everything. And maybe they say the same about you. But the mediator manages these difficult conversations and creates a safe space where you can both speak and where you will both be heard.
We can help you to work out what it is you need and how you can end your marriage in a way that works for you