Separated Families: How to Co-parent Your Kids
Co-parenting can be very difficult especially at the start of a separation.
My mentor used to say to separating parents that whilst they would no long be partners they would always be their children’s parents. So that whilst you will live apart you will always be connected through your children.
In family mediation we encourage parents to think about how this will look. How will you work together to love and support your children? In essence how will you co-parent?
What is Co-parenting?
It’s you and your ex partner working out arrangements for your children that will work for you and will work for your children.
There are different ways to Co-parent
You may decide that it works best for your family to run the same routine in each household so that your children have:
the same bed time in both households,
you manage the children’s activities together
you will attend school events together
you agree on pocket money and treats and the children’s meal times/diet
use the same style of discipline
Parallel parenting
Sometimes parents prefer an alternative to this arrangement: parallel parenting where you both want what’s best for your children and you want to achieve this in different ways.
Your children have the consistency of the different styles of parenting in each household and make the transition in each household aware of and confident in the different boundaries each parent sets when the children are with them.
Working together as parents after a separation
However you choose to parent, it is still important to ensure you can communicate with one another: pick up the phone, text, email or message the other parent so that when emergencies happen, when children are sick at school, when there are last minute problems with pick ups and drop offs you have your children’s and each other’s back.
When your children get older and start to go out you need to know where they are. You need to know they’re safe. If you don’t communicate as parents your children can tell you one thing and do another which can compromise their safety and your peace of mind.
The team of Horizon Mediators are all FMC accredited – the gold standard – of mediation. Collectively we have many, many years and years of business and family mediation experience and are trained to help you navigate your new role as co-parents, however you choose to do it.
We understand that setting good foundations at the start of your separation will help you and your separated family for the rest of your lives. We are here to help you talk through what’s important to each of you and most importantly what’s important for your children.